Somehow people keep claiming there is no problem with anyone hating aces and aros on this site and particularly in what they call “ace discourse” (but what could often be more accurately renamed to “plain shitting on aces and aros”). So I’ve made another list of some of the shit that’s gone down, except this time with links because apparently that’s the only way to not get dismissed out of hand.
I’ve talked a lot about racism in this mess but I’ve stuck to mostly other stuff this time, because I don’t have the energy to drag up certain shit again (or in other cases don’t want to bring in posts ppl apologized for, or dig through my blog for a long time, or or. Maybe I will add some more shit later. [Though looking over it one more time, there’s actually some considerable stuff here already.])
So, crap the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes but sadly is not at all limited to:
Comparing aces and aros to Trump (and pretending this is funny)
Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)
Comparing aces to a literal slave owner
Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)
Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”
Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy
Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy
This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)
More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable
Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow
Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it
Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain
One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol. [Eta: my wording here was misleading before, they weren’t talking to me – I’d also called them on this but they ignored me. Sorry for the confusion!] Also, I have a tag somewhere with several non-black/white ppl who made Rachel Dolezal comparisons to shit on aces/aros). Another example of talking over us here complete with condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism
People like this saying outright they hate aces
Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality
Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)
Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)
Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.
Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”
Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …
…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)
Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”
Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)
“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag
Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)
Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh
Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag
This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone
Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism
Graphically telling aces to die
Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves
Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now
And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)
And the really sad thing is that these are all just examples that I could find relatively quickly. I also left out posts for various reasons, and tried to focus on just really blatant shit and not anything where you need a ton of context, or something “just” on the level of the many people who’ve invalidated asexuality/aromanticism as orientations (declaring them to only ever “modifiers”)
But yeah, a lot of people here? Hate aces and aros a lot and what’s going on is incredibly harmful and toxic and it needs to stop. This is serious shit
I had some time and got upset, so here’s more. Mostly just recent stuff, but also a few things I mentioned in passing above but didn’t add links for:
Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)
Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have
Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).
Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations
Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)
[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman
who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do
not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and
use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros – groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)
White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege
Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)
What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.
Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.
Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)
And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.
“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing
If you’re interested, some way back I also made a link-less post that is important to me talking about how nasty and harmful the racism and erasure of ace and aro PoC in all this has been
People who hate aces and aros and treat us like dirt are not good people, and they’re doing a lot of damage often while claiming none of the above ever happened or defending it. Again, this is serious shit
I wish we were done, but have part 3:
Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)
Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above
Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege
Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”
Another
incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people
wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we
supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but
basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.
Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex
People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)
Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags
After
someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually
assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest
victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend
yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the linkA
number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones
weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full
blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being
marginalized/erased by society;
the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face
torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)This
anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture
and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “
~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as
well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post aboveSince we’re already talking anons, somewhat
graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the
“dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)So to reiterate: the anti-ace/aro bullshit on this site is toxic and frequently becomes outright horrifying and it needs to stop. Please take it seriously. Please don’t tolerate it.
“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“
Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.
It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.
Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)
Because shit got too vile and I got too angry, have a proper next part of this post:
Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro
Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“
As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it
Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)
Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”
Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess
A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)
Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??
I’m tired this is all incredibly nasty and vile can it just stop please and can people at long last stop denying it’s happening to silence us and paint us as a group made up of completely ignorant people and liars?? Aces and aros are actual human beings who deserve to be treated as such and this should not need to be said – let alone so many times holy shit
Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM
And
also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post
again:Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as
fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)The
thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put
it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who
responded to that post with approval and if you check,
you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and
getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going
“lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof
they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased) and otherwise talking nasty shit
about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyoneDid I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed
As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:
Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out
Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed
Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will
Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead
“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”
And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…
Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that
Again: people are dehumanizing us on a level that after all this time is still
disheartening and frankly horrifying, even trying to use us speaking out against it as more “proof” that we don’t deserve to be talked to and about like people. When we’re not getting creepy and terrifying comments and
threats, we’re being treated like pests and jokes and people who can be justifiably hurt for entertainment, or who can not even be signigicantly hurt in the first placeTreating aces and aros like real human beings is not fucking optional
hey why did u spend so much time compiling a list of bullshit reasons for cishet aces to feel oppressed? just get off the internet you fucking child
1) apparently all aces and aros are “cishet aces” now
2) apparently speaking out about people literally wanting aces/aros dead and otherwise despising us and treating us like not-people is now “making aces feel oppressed” and how dare I
3) There’s a ton of vile shit here including a ton of racism/misogynoir and death threats and there’s crap like that post saying we should be medically experimented on for “feeling oppressed” but apparently I still do not get to be upset about this bc aces/aros don’t get to have feelings or belong to oppressed groups lol
4) I spent time on this because your crowd loves to try and shut up anyone bringing any of this up by claiming they’re lying (because they “just wanna feel oppressed” or make others “feel oppressed”). Great silencing tactic that but I was done with it lol
5) What kind of horrible person do you have to be to react this way to people being that disgusting towards aces/aros and to be so utterly dismissive to someone who’s been very personally affected by this. Having nasty crap of all kinds flung at you and receiving very graphic threats? Just get off the Internet!! Silly me why did that not occur to me. You’re literally terrible
6) shut the fuck up
Anyway someone for the block list
Anti-ace/aro shit on this site, an actual problem
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