the new wrinkle in time movie fucking sucks

its not accurate to the book, the special effects are awful, the cinematography is even worse, the script is the most hamfisted garbage “feel-good” pop-culture referencing bullshit schlock ive ever had the pain to sit through, the acting is shit, the costumes are garish and ugly, why the hell did they cast young looking actors to play the old lady witches (BECAUSE WE GOTTA MAKE EVERY ADULT CHARACTER FUCKABLE AM I RIGHT FOLKS!!!!!), why the hell did they cast oprah, why the hell did they cast the untalented fucknugget who played charles wallace, WHERE THE HELL ARE SANDY AND DENNYS, why are all the shots filmed like romantic scenes with romantic music its so awkward they did this when meg and her father reunited and it was so uncomfortable, why is the editing so fucking out of place and bad, why are all the camera shots low angles and closeups, they fucking ruined the backstories of the witches and mr murry, they literally edited out aunt beast because its not colorful and bright and loud enough for the shitbrained kids theyre trying and failing to pander to, why did they get rid of every emotional and thought-provoking moment from the book and replaced it with “uwu be yourself XD love is good” WHY DID THEY FUCK UP THE WHOLE SPIRITUAL THING THE BOOK HAD, WHY DID THEY ENTIRELY FOCUS ON MEG LIKE LITERALLY…. CHARLES IS ONLY A PLOT DEVICE AND CALVIN IS FUCKING USELESS HE DOES NOTHING AND HE JUST FOLLOWS AROUND MEG AND HITS ON HER RANDOMLY BC ITS SUPPOSED TO HELP HER “”“SELF ESTEEM”“” WHICH IS NEVER BROUGHT UP UNLESS ITS CONVIENIENT LIKE

HOW CAN YOU FUCK UP A MOVIE THIS BAD LIKE THE STORY WAS RIGHT THERE ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE BOOK AND THE BUDGET WAS A HUNDRED MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS SO DONT BLAME IT ON BUDGET LITERALLY THIS MOVIES THE SHITTIEST LAZIEST CASH GRAB OUT THERE ITS SO OBVIOUS DISNEY COULDNT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THIS MOVIE AND ITS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THE DIRECTOR HAD NO SAY BECAUSE THE MOVIE LITERALLY SCRAPPED OUT EVERYTHING THAT MAKES PEOPLE LIKE A MOVIE ITS JUST BRIGHT COLORS TO STARE AT ITS CHEAP SAFE PANDERING GARBAGE TO SHUT UP BRAINLESS TODDLERS AND HALF OF TUMBLRS USERBASE ACCORDING TO THE WRINKLE IN TIME SEARCH RESULTS

AND DONT EVEN FUCKING SAY THIS MOVIE IS “PROGRESSIVE” BECAUSE ITS NOT THEY LITERALLY ONLY MADE MEG BLACK SO THEY COULD ADVERTISE THE MOVIE AND THE DISNEY BRAND AS “PROGRESSIVE” EVEN THOUGH ITS CLEARLY NOT BECAUSE DISNEY SEES BLACK PEOPLE AS NOTHING MORE THAN A LITERAL GOD DAMN MARKETING GIMMICK AND YALL GULLIBLE ASSES FUCKING FELL FOR IT

NOT TO MENTION THEY KILLED OFF LI SHANG, THEIR ONLY BISEXUAL CHARACTER FROM THE LIVE ACTION MULAN…. MAN THEY REALLY DO CARE ABOUT MINORITIES DONT THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TL;DR this movie reeks of corporate hallmark nonsensical dumpster fodder unceremoniously shat out from the gaping fuming stank anusholes of rich inbred billionaire executive douchebags in the name of “good representation” despite all of them being so white and pasty they sunburn if you even open a window for more than 2 minutes

rating: 1.5 oprah winfrey’s eyebrows out of 5. go read the book instead its way better and it wont be like watching your parents forced, grimacing smiles after you come out to them for the first time

there is however one (1) good thing about this movie tho and its making fun of it with a friend or two (drunk/high is most ideal but sober works too)

have a terrible day my good bitches. madeline l’engle didnt die for This Shit to be made. i will also fight disneys CEO with my bare hands. im buying plane tickets right now